Oh THERE You Are Tummy

So I think I'm losing some more of my gut. When I look down, I only see a bit of my stomach poking out. For those who may not know, what I'm looking at is boobs, then a little stomach. The goal is to see only boobs and no stomach.

So I forgot to mention the other day that I took a short walk to the Barnes and Noble across the street and bought a vanilla steamer at the Starbucks there. I felt really proud and in control for asking for NO whipped cream. But as I was in the parking lot I started to feel that even with the absence of whipped cream, this vanilla steamer is probably a cheat. Think about it, what's in it? Well I know when I make my own at home I use milk, vanilla and sugar, and Starbucks is always sweeter than mine, so it must have sugar in it. So I've decided no more of those for me. *sad face*

Today I just did not want to get up. I was woken up by a very loud humming sound this morning I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Finally I went downstairs and it was the fan in the downstairs bathroom. It didn't dawn on me that my bedroom is almost directly above it. After that, I'm sorry to say that I slept until 11:30pm. I wish I had some Melatonin strips. I'd walk over to the CVS, but it;s cold out and I already have my pajama bottoms on.

Anyway, I had a bowl of cereal for break...ahem, lunch. Then there was a dinner at the church this evening. I'll be honest, it did not look good. It looked like...you know, church food. But it was actually quite good! It was especially do considering there wasn't much salt in the dishes (the parishioners are all pretty old). I had one breaded chicken breast, a slice of ham, 3 black olives, 2 gherkins, a small portion of green beans with almonds, a small serving of corn pudding and a slice of wheat bread. Just FYI, the corn "pudding" was more like corn hash. I can't describe it save to say it was delicious. Anyway, I only had a plateful and felt a little gypped on the portions, but I actually was getting full by the time I finished my plate. They had sugar-free apple pie for dessert (once again, mostly old people), but I had two slices of cranberry nut bread. When we got home I had a banana. See, it's 7:30pm, and this is the time we usually eat here. I'll probably have some fruit later.

I've been fighting off a headache for the last four hours. It's not a real painful one you know? It's more of a nuisance. I don't think it's sinus, although it is in that spot on my forehead directly above my bridge. I think it's the barometer. It rained this morning, was sunny all afternoon, and now it's overcast again. Not to mention my allergies. My eyes are really dry and itchy and my nose is so twitchy. I'd kill to be able to sneeze. I feel it coming but it never...does it.

Not much else happening. I'd like to weigh myself and see if I lost anything since weighing myself on Monday.


Cheers.
J.

One thing...

I just noticed something.
The new title of this blog appears at the top of my screen, but it's too long so it looks like this:
"This Is Where I Came In...and shot up..."


I must remind the readers that there are two words after the word UP.

I Didn't Even Think of That

It feels like I'm coming down with something, but I don't feel nearly crappy enough. Leslie said it may be allergies. I didn't even think of that. That would make more sense. Anyway.

Yesterday began with a bowl of cereal and milk followed by a lunch of another delicious green apple. For dinner Leslie made Grilled BBQ chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and steamed veggies and fresh fruit for dessert. Later in the evening for a snack I had a bagel and cream cheese.

This morning I had bowl of cereal for "breakfast." It was 11:30 when I had it. Then Leslie and I went for Jehy's first manicure and pedicure!! It was very odd, I'll be honest. I didn't find it relaxing at all. Maybe because I was worried I was doing something wrong. The lady who had me didn't seem very friendly, but apparently, for her, she was. I also got my eyebrows done for the first time in my life. My right side looks a little shorter than my left, but maybe because that's my blonde side. Literally.

Came home and had a bagel with cream cheese at about 3:30pm.
Supposedly we're supposed to go out for Chinese tonight...or maybe Leslie is actually going to make. She didn't really specify. Doesn't matter. Going out is ideal to me because it makes the evening go quicker. And I know my dad is exceedingly fond of The Buffet.
Speaking of, he must have just got home. I can hear Fox News on. Gag. I don't know how anyone can stand more than an hour of news at a time, let alone Fox News. But he watches, literally, like five hours in a row of it. That's gotta be taxing. Get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch nut-jobs yell and shit themselves for a few hours, go to bed, and do it all again the next day.


Anyway. I had an hour and a half nap and now I'm a little groggy.
I really didn't think I went to bed that late, but apparently I am wrong. I know I was up watching YouTube clips of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson for a while, but not THAT late. He's hysterical. Hated him on Drew Carey. Wasn't funny at all. Stick a live camera in his face in a shotty studio and watch the magic.


So...now I'm just biding time until dinner.
Told ya this wasn't a vacation.


Cheers.
J.

So Jesus, it's been a week. How do you feel?

Today was a good day. Not that I would call it an interesting day. I had a bowl of Fruity Pebbles with some kinda of lactose-free milk. That box of Fruity Pebbles must have been up there a while. Anyway, they're gone now.

Leslie and I went to the grocery store to get some foods. She was concerned that there wouldn't be anything in the house for me to eat. There's lots in there I can eat for meals. There really is. The downside is, there's also a lot of food for snacking, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. I even caught myself going through the pantry this evening after getting home from church (yes I went). I checked myself though. I said "Jess, stop for a second. Are you even hungry?" And I wasn't, so I walked away.

Anyway, so this afternoon, around 2:00pm I had a banana and a green apple for lunch. Ooo that apple was SO good!

Then we went to church and had chili! It was very good. I only had one bowl and two slices of bread. I was quite proud of myself for not going for another bowl. Although, now I am really hungry. Maybe I'll go downstairs and have a bowl of golden grams. I know it's late but...I'll be up all night otherwise, and as wheat thins are a cheat...

Blarg.

One of the best things about this area is that they have a TON of restaurants. They have a really great salad bar/buffet chain called Sweet Tomatoes. I hope we get to go there some time this week.


Anyway, I really am quite hungry so I am off to find something to eat.


Cheers.
J.

One week down, five more to go.

Today I flew from Fort McMurray to Tampa. I won't relate the entire story, suffice to say I almost missed my connecting flight in Calgary because of incompetence and paranoia.

I'm proud of myself for passing on the in-flight complementary slop *ahem*, excuse me, snack. Granted I was hungry, but they were chips and they were remarkably like Fritos in both sight and scent. Not to mention the bastard next to me brought his own breakfast of a chocolate muffin. I think I should be praised for suppressing the urge to kill him.

Wanted to grab a quick snack in Calgary, but because of the shitstorm in Calgary, there was literally no time. Oh sure, I could have bought garbage on the plane for six bucks, but a) they don't accept cash anymore (WTF?) and b) they were just that: garbage. Everything I can't eat was on the list.

When I landed in Denver, my stomach became the sarlac pit. Oddly enough, I didn't have a headache which usually happens when I'm really hungry. I went to Quiznos and got a chicken chopped salad with bacon, red onions and this really interesting Chipotle Rasberry dressing. It was quite good.
Oh yeah, go that headache after I ate. Should have just let the sarlac in my stomach keep eating itself.

By the time I landed in Tampa, it was Migraine City. I felt bad for my dad and Leslie; "Hi, good to see you, thanks for letting my stay, well gotta go crash for a few hours."
And...they ordered pizza. Crap. I had pizza on Sunday. Bummer. So when I woke up I had toast and jam, a piece of cheese, a cup of tea, and a handful of wheat thins. I took the wheat thins to get the taste of cheese and tea out of my mouth (It tastes like sick), and after a consult with Dave discovered that this may be a cheat. I just know no to stay away from crackers as well as chips. That's gonna be hard. Everywhere you look in this house there's chips, crackers, soda and chocolate.

So...week one is just about over and I'd like to kill someone for a pop. Do you think Jesus, while in the desert thought "I'd kill a deciple for a drink of water right about now."? In the Bible they kinda shrug it off. I mean granted it's a euphemism; no one can survive the desert that long without water. I'd like to know what went through the man's head. Do you think he wanted to suck his head up a vacuum for a candy bar?

Leslie and I are going to go to the movies at some point this week. Another test: THE MOVIE THEATRE! Mom and I discussed the parameters of popcorn. Air-popped popcorn = okay. Theatre popcorn = CHEATER. Guess I'll have to sneak something in. Like what? "Sorry Miss, but you can't bring all these Nutrigrain bars in."


Anyway, I think I'm slimming a bit. I still have a gut, but now it's starting to look more like beer and less like baby. Which is a good thing. I'd rather people think I was just glutenous and not pregnant.
Do I feel better? I mean without all this sugar in my diet? Let's think...two migraines in one week?
No. I do not feel better.
This must be what hardcore smokers go through.

Cheers.
J.

It's not a vaction, Bob.

In about sixteen hours I leave for Tampa Bay.
For the first time, I'm not entirely looking forward to it. Maybe once I get there things will be better, but still.

In preparation for my departure, I've begun my ritual pre-flight house cleaning. Although I trust Dave to keep the house in a moderately clean (moderately meaning not being deemed a toxic waste site), two days after I arrive, Dave's brother Kyle is coming to stay. Not to mention our current roommate hasn't moved out of his room despite not actually living here in a month.
Needless to say I'm doing what I can with what I have. So many things to consider. I can't actually clean the roommate's room as that would be an invasion. Still I took the sheets we lent him off his bead and washed them. So Dave will have to clean that room on his own. The spare room got vacuumed and steam vac-ed even though there is a sofa in said room up on its side. Can't vacuum of steam-vac our bedroom until I've packed. And the living room has a futon in it that is supposed to go in the afore mentioned spare room. Needless to say, when Dave comes home, I'm going to need his help so I don't feel so overwhelmed.

In other news, I weighed myself today. Around 157 pounds, which was lighter than I anticipated. I should mention I was wearing very light pajamas and had eaten a rather heavy bowl of oatmeal this morning.
I just finished up my lunch of a Lunchable, minus the "Fun sized" KitKat bar. Actually, it wasn't a Lnchable. It was a Snackable, because apparently our culture is so fat and hungry that one of these things can't even constitute as a lunch anymore.

Well, now that I've finished I have to get back to work.
This update was brought to you by the dire need to sit and rest a bit.


Cheers.
J.

I'm Having a Bad Week

I'm having a bad week. In fact I'd go so far as to say I'm having the worst week of Lent since Jesus Christ.

Wednesday night I made hamburger helper which didn't sit right with Dave or myself. I could have sworn when I opened the sauce packet that I smelled ammonia or some other kind of disinfectant. Anyway, that night was a toss n' turner and woke up multiple times in pain.
The next day I did my usual Thursday volunteer work at Kaos. Since my stomach was still kind of tight, I decided to have strawberry jam on my bagel instead of cream cheese. As a general rule, dairy isn't a good idea when one's tummy is using chemical warefare on your body.
Dave picked me up a small salad for lunch, but despite this and the copious amount of water I consumed, I still went home with a headache. Of course this followed its normal trajectory to a migraine. It's hard to politely explain to your partner that you don't want to kiss/make-out/be physical with them because you're afraid you're going to throw up and that no, it has nothing to do with them.
Dave made a taco bake for suppers which was very tasty, but even after a three hour nap, I still wasn't feeling that great. Dave, god love him, made supper and did all the cleaning up, including the ice cream cake that inadvertently got left out overnight.
After a quick supper, I took some Pepto, fired off a few emails, then went back to sleep. At least tried to. I think I went to bed in more head-pain than I originally did. So I took some more drugs, slapped on the Head-On, and it was all Zzz from then.

Friday morning I made another trip to Kaos. I had a leftover Smitty's pancake from Tuesday (which was AMAZING cold, BTW) and a glass of Orange Juice. I made sure to take more food with me, so i threw in a banana and a bag of bagels.
Wasn't necessary as Dave bought me Subway for lunch. I had my banana for dessert.

It really sucks not having anything to snack from. Like, last night I was a little hungry, so I had a bagel with cream cheese and two slices of peanut butter toast. And the no soda is killing me. Dave says I can have diet because there's no sugar in it. Still...if I'm going to go no-junk food, I'm going to go all the way. I mean, all the way minus pizza. Mmmm...pizza.

This is where I came in...and shot up the place

Hey remember me?!
No? Not a problem.
You may remember me from my last album entitled "I'm going to lose weight by not eating carbs because I don't want to look pregnant anymore."

Since that album failed to even go gold, things went downhill from there.
I didn't see the results I wanted and felt very discouraged. After said failure, I promised that I would continue with a sensible diet and blog about it, which was a blatant lie. Instead I did what made me happy: Eat. And now I'm about 170 pounds of happy.
Am I unhappy that I'm fat? Nah, I can live with that.
Am I unhappy that I'm unhealthy? No. I'm still alive, technically.
Am I unhappy that all my fat has gone to my gut and refuses to move to other places to at least give the appearance of a balanced fat person? Oh yeah.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. In the past, I haven't given two craps about it. But in the last month or two I thought about how Lent would be the perfect time to set me on a better eating path. It would be a motivator because it has it's own time period. It'll be grand.
Then again, I thought that if we had a just and loving God he wouldn't allow Lent to start three days after Valentines Day. But alas, God is a bearded celestial jerk. My time had come, and it came too soon.

So, yesterday, upon realizing it was Fat Tuesday, had only twelve hours to devour all the chocolate, diet Pepsi lime, and ice cream cake I could.

My bet to myself is to cut out junk food for the next 40 day. This will include chips, ALL chocolate, ALL soda (including diet, caffeine-free, sugar free, or the combination of any of the three), and any and all candy/sweets.
I have decided that junk food is limited to pizza. I will allow myself pizza, but only once a week, and no more than three slices. And if I should find myself at a fast food restaurant, then it's salad all the way.

This isn't a diet really. Just an excuse to purge myself of a sugar-induced diabetic coma that may be looming on the horizon.


So...good luck to me.


So far I've had a bowl of Cheerios with milk and half a banana. I've also had about two cups of water. Meanwhile I can hear the distinct cry of a can of diet Pepsi lime trying to guilt trip me from the fridge.



Cheers.
J.




Shut up punk!!!