Well, what a bender. Classic.

It's been...a long time since I posted.
Many of you may think that I indeed put myself into a sugar induced coma on Easter, but alas, I did not. No, but if I remember correctly, I had two cans of pop and a chocolate bunny that my mom got me.

So much and yet so little has happened since my last post.
I'm back on the soda, which is really no surprise. I haven't been too much into the junk food, but I DO get chocolate cravings, and being a block away from the Esso quells that. We DO eat take out a lot because neither of us want to cook, and that hurts.

I've been volunteering at the radio station every day now, so that's good. I'm not doing anything really...productive. A spreadsheet here, stuffing envelopes there. Most people would find that boring, but I find that the more exciting the work, the more important it is. And the more important it is, the greater the consequence if you fuck up. In other words, no pressure. Not at all like when I was working at the bank.

We now have Kyle and Lester living with us. With Mother's Day upon us, I can appreciate even more what mother's have to go through when raising children, especially boys. Also, I would like to add that I am very blessed to not only have the mother I have, but also that I am the only one in this house whose mother is still alive. I want you all to think about that. Think about that. I live with three other people. And I am the only one with a mom.

Moving on to the very depressing, let's jump right into the EXCITING!!!
Guess what Dave bought for our vacation? Two tickets to see Eddie Izzard live in Edmonton!!! Isn't that fantastico? I'm so excited. I don't know what I will do when I get there. I think I'll die if I get to meet him. Even if it's in a quick line up.

Let's see, what else. We've seen Kick-Ass and Iron Man 2 in the movie theatre. Both were mediocre at best. I'm sure Dave would disagree, but what can I say. When it comes to movies, I am NOT easily entertained.

As Chair of the Playreading Committee, I've been reading some scripts. So far nothing has jumped at me and said "THIS IS THE ONE!" Still, it's early. I'm not thrilled about my committee; no one wanted to be on it at the official meeting, but no one has a problem joining at a meeting that I'm not even invited to. Not to mention nothing is official, and there are no MEN on the committee. Do I have the right to NOT accept certain members into my committee? I think I should be.

I've been trying to do "Spring Cleaning." My goal was to clean the house as if we were moving out of it, but that's a lot easier said and done, especially if you're doing it all yourself. Let's face it, I just cannot move my bed by myself, and I know better than to ask for help. Anyway, once I get the rest of Kyle's room done (which will be this week while he's at work), I will have the home upstairs Spring-Cleaned. That only leaves our bedroom, the second floor including the kitchen and bathroom, The Living room, the downstairs area and the outside of the house. So yeah. I'm a sixth of the way done. Pathetic, yeah? And with four people living here, the bathrooms have to get cleaned every week. I know I said the same thing a year ago when it was just the two of us (occasionally three), but it's even more true now.
The boys have been very kind to me though, regarding the cleaning. Dave bought me flowers last week, and today Kyle bought me a candle.
OH! I have to tell you what we did to Lester's room. OKay, so Lester is a huge JOhnny Depp fan. I mean HUGE. He's got the gay for him, BIG TIME. I had some glossy pictures of Johnny Depp (back from my days when I had the gay for him too), so I bought some cheap frames, put the pictures in, and hung them up in his room. He got a kick out of it. And they're still up ;)
I wanted to put a Jeff-Goldblum-is-watching-you-pee pictures in the bathroom as well, but I forgot.


Anyway, I've talked long enough about absolutely nothing, so I'll give the mic back.



Cheers.
J.

Rise again...then get a shower, will ya?

Well, in less than twenty-four hours, the six week journey through the desert will be over. I can sure tell you that the last few days have been hard. Especially yesterday. We went out for fish at Susie’s (I didn’t have fish), and I was REALLY thirsty. Everywhere I looked people were choking down Mt. Dew and Pepsi and I wanted one SO badly. I think that’s what I’m looking forward to the most tomorrow. Still…I don’t really want to have a soda tomorrow because I think I should have one, but because I want one. We didn’t buy any candy for tomorrow, so maybe I’ll stop at the gas station on the way home and get a candy bar.
So where do I go from here? I hope I can keep some of the eating habits. Then again maybe not. I weighed myself at Susan’s this weekend. By the way Susan and Bil, I wasn’t snooping, I swear. I was looking for band-aids, and I swear that’s the only reason I went upstairs. It was after that that I saw the scale and decided to weigh myself. Trust me, it wasn’t worth it. 155.4, so…there you go. I think I actually may have gained weight. Anyway, I know that I can actually live without junk food and live without soda.
It sure will be nice to have Wendy’s and eat pizza and French fries.

Holy Week, Holy Shit

Well, we're approaching the final stretch. It's Holy Week and I know I can survive the next three and a half days with no problems.

It's been a pretty uneventful week, truth be told.

My plans for Sunday include having a soda (We have Coke and Mt. Dew. YIPPEE!) and eating chocolate. I plan on spending Sunday afternoon in a sugar coma, followed by a terrible sugar overdose headache. I wish I had access to a scale, because it would be nice to know how much, if any, weight I lost in the past six weeks. I'm sure it's not much, but I can see it in my face that I lost some.
Speaking of weight-loss, congrats to Reba for her tremendous accomplishment.

Tomorrow night I'm heading into Appleton for the night to hang out with my friend Susan. There's something that feels blasphemous about going out for beers on Maundy Thursday.

This coming Tuesday I have an appointment with a dermatologist. I'm nervous and excited. Finally, I can get some help with something that has literally plagued me my whole life. I'm almost twenty-seven and I have the complexion of a fourteen-year old.

I really hate to end this so suddenly, and with no news at all, but I've been having a weird day with a headache and it's utterly stuff and dry in the house.
Plus the internet is painfully slow (what a revelation).

Cheers you cheeky monkeys.
J.

Jesus Must Have Been One Bored Bastard

Once again I haven’t been keeping up with my journaling. It’s a hassle when you’re on dial-up and don’t want to tie up the phone lines. Although who really needs or wants to call, I couldn’t say. And now I’m on a semi-normal sleeping pattern (11:30pm-8:30am), and I don’t want to mess that up, so I don’t want to stay up until 1:00am futzing with the internet.

Let’s see…last weekend, mom and I went down to Illinois to see my brother. On the way down we stopped at Wendy’s. Oh I know! Mom didn’t know what to get since she doesn’t eat there often (there isn’t one in Fond du Lac), so I told her to get what I usually get: Spicy Chicken combo with fries. I kinda ate vicariously through her. For myself it was a Mandarin chicken salad. I THOUGHT about getting a chicken grilled sandwich and getting a baked potato instead of fries, but then I thought about it. You know…if it had been at a sit-down restaurant, I might have gotten away with it. But this is FAST FOOD. It’s junk. It’s garbage. Don’t do it. So I didn’t. I had my salad. It was okay.

That night we went out for Mexican food. Yay! There are NO Mexican restaurants in Fort McMurray. I mean it. Zip. None. Nada. Cero. To make it clear, Taco Time does NOT count. Taco Time isn’t even food. I know this because on a packed day in the food court, Taco Time still has no line. Anyway, to get back to the trip, we ate at a place near my brother’s apartment called la Fiesta. It’s owned by the same people who own Del Toro, another Mexican restaurant we frequent while we’re down there. I had a strawberry margarita and chicken fajitas. That margarita was REALLY strong. On an empty stomach it was a lot of fun. ;)
Anyway, it was a good meal and a good visit with my brother.

The next day, mom and I went to CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!!!! YES! I know! I couldn’t believe it! And we saw Alegría, which is one of my favourites. It really was one of the only bright spots of the day. Before we went to the show, mom and I went to pick up a pay-as-you go cell phone at a store, but we had MAJOR issues. The phone wouldn’t scan. Literally, NO one could get it to work. It was very strange. The minutes card scanned fine and we paid for that while someone else tried to get the phone to work. Well, after about an hour and a half, we said screw it and got the minutes card refunded. It kinda put us in a foul mood. Mom was pissed because we were on a time schedule (because of Cirque), and I was getting frustrated that she was getting frustrated. After that, everything seemed to make her mad: traffic, parking, everything. Great.
Then after the show, Dave and I got a into a huge fight over the phone (which unfortunately my mother had to witness). So, yeah. Thank you Cirque for bringing some light into my day and my life.

That night we went to eat at a neat little restaurant whose name I just don’t know. It kinda had an old pub feel, only there was no pub. Small, but very neat. Kinda turn on the century décor. Maybe more 1920’s: Old cash register a small old propeller plane, pictures of men with large mustaches. But I digress. I had a bacon cheeseburger.
Okay. I know what you’re going to say and here’s my justification:
Remember my earlier story of the chicken sandwich? How having one at a fast food place was unacceptable, but having one in a sit-down restaurant would be? Same logic here. I know that the chef at this place at least drained the fat off the burger before he put it on the bun. I know that HE knows what’s in that burger, and that he’s okay with letting me eat it. I know he put some time and thought into preparing my meal. I know he makes more than minimum wage.
So anyway, I had a lovely bacon cheeseburger with…ick. Potato salad. My choices were fries, potato salad or coleslaw. Well, I only like the former, so what was I to do? I picked the lesser of two evils. To my credit, I ate about half the potato salad. It really had no taste, but I think that because it’s cold is what turns me off of it in general. I also had a glass of white zinfandel. I had the server put it on a separate bill so I could pay for it myself. Mom paid for my margarita the night before despite my protests, so I wasn’t about to let her do it again.

The next morning, before we left for home, my brother made us breakfast. Eggs, bacon and English muffins so we could make our own breakfast sandwiches.  He also made some peppermint tea which was fabulous.

I drove the first half of the trek home, but my back was really sore and I was really tired. I took the back pains as a cue to drink more water, which I did (and I was the first one to use the bathroom when we got home). We stopped at Culver’s on the way home, where mom had a mint fudge cone (it looked SO good), and I had a grilled chicken basket with mashed potatoes and gravy. Culvers may make their food fresh, but it’s still technically fast food. So was this cheating?
Probably. Only at that point, I had stopped caring. More on that later.
That night we had tacos (I’ve been known to put away half a dozen at least) that I put away quickly because I had over-the-phone DnD.

Monday night, mom and I went to Pizza Ranch. What IS pizza ranch? Well, it’s kinda like a small pizza buffet. They have six or seven kinds of pizza at the bar, or you can order one special. They also have soup, salad, chicken and potatoes. Now…Friday night, before mom and I left on our trip, we had a frozen pizza (True to my word, I only had three slices). I was a bit torn. Initially, I assume mom and I would go to Pizza Ranch the following weekend, but we went on Monday instead. If I had pizza I would be cheating. But then I thought, well. If I have three slices at Pizza Ranch on Monday, that just means I won’t be able to have pizza for like, two weeks. Hey! Great! Problem solved.
Do you see what’s beginning to happen here? The excuses? Yeah.

At Pizza Ranch, I knew I had to make those three slices count so I didn’t want just ANY pizza. So while on the lookout for something I liked, I had a salad, cream of broccoli soup, chicken made of grease and mashed potatoes and gravy. Seriously, that chicken thigh or whatever it was wasn’t made of chicken, and I would pay for it later. I also was able to eat a garlic finger. Anyway, by the time they brought out a pizza I liked, I was stuffed! I think I was able to eat the tip off a slice of something, but that was it. And then…the stomach pains. I hadn’t had those pains in a year. Since my appendix, I’ve only had a few stomach aches. This was number four. It felt like hell. You know those kinds that come in waves? And you feel sweaty but then you get chills? That’s what this was. Unfortunately, mom and I had planned to go to Walmart to look at a few things, and I didn’t want to bail. So we went to Walmart where I was sometimes bent over in agony. BUT! Mom finally got her cell phone, so that was positive.
When I got home…well, you can imagine, even if you don’t want to. The next day was another interesting day in the bathroom department, but anyway.

I think for the rest of the week I’ve been eating cereal for dinner, so nothing new there. My breakfasts usually consist of either Raisin Bran, a bagel or two strawberry Pop Tarts. Lunch is generally left-overs or two sandwiches.

Wednesday night, mom and I drove to Appleton to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. Mom had popcorn. I had a bottle of water. I feel bad for mom. She’s really concerned about eating certain things in front of me. It really doesn’t bother me. It really does not. I’m okay. Sure I WANT popcorn, but I also want tickets to see the Late Late Show live. I’ll survive without it. I think she’s also worried about me having fun, you know? Not being able to have a snack at Cirque du Soleil or the movies. Or going out to Pizza Ranch. You know? These are the things we like to do.

Thursday I went to Oshkosh to have lunch with some friends. I had a Cajun chicken salad with a breadstick. It was very large and very good. I felt like a pig though. I really scarfed that shit down. Oh well, I was hungry.
On the way home I hit a bird. It was like the size of a chicken. Just came waddling out in front of the car. I slammed on the breaks, but it wasn’t going to be enough. K-Boomp-Boomp. I look out the rearview and there’s a Floof of feathers. If it wasn’t heart breaking, it might have been comical. I felt so bad. I couldn’t believe *I* of all people ran something over. I actually hit something. I felt that I did, I heard it and I saw it.

Last night was Friday night (mom and I got our nails done…thanks Mom!) and I realized that I hadn’t had a bowl movement since Tuesday. So I took a Women’s Laxitive. That’s what it was called. I took two pills. Cut to 7:30 this morning and I’m dying. I feel like I have the flu, only there’s no relief after I use the facilities. I go about three times in the span of a half hour. For most men, they don’t understand why this is odd.
Now I know I’m on empty, so that’s a comfort. I think next time if I need those things, I’m only going to take one pill.

Before I end this long-winded tale, we have to get to the matter at hand. How am I doing? Well, you may have noticed that I’ve started making some excuses and kinda stopped caring. And that’s true. The truth of it is, I’m bored with this. It’s not that temptation is taking over and I just can’t keep myself away from the foods I want. Not a thing of it. I’m just getting bored with it. I’m getting tired of caring. Do you think Jesus got bored? Wandering the desert with no food, water, or internet? Even if he wasn’t desiring some fish or wine, he must have at least gotten a little sick and tired of tasting sand and sweat. “Father!” he must have cried, “Can you at least make this sand taste like cardboard? Make it taste like ass; I don’t care! Just so it doesn’t taste like SAND!”
Palm Sunday is tomorrow, which means I have a week to go. I can do it no problem. It’s about time. I’m losing interest in doing the right thing.

Well, it’s now almost 2:30 and I haven’t eaten in about four hours, so I’m going to find something to ingest.

Easter is almost upon us. ¡ALEGRÍA!

Jesus Christ, Where Have YOU Been?

Today is Monday.
I wrote the following on Sunday.

It’s been a very long time since I made a journal entry. I chalk most of that up to being on dial-up service for the last week. It’s almost not worth the effort.

I’m trying to remember what went on the last week. The weather has been dismal. I flew in Tuesday, March 9th and it was foggy and it hasn’t let up until today Sunday, March 14th. It’s partly cloudy and I can actually see blue sky and SUN! It’s a miracle.

So, I guess I have to go as far back as Tuesday.
No! Farther! Friday March 5th we went out to a salad bar type restaurant called Sweet Tomatoes. They have a great salad bar and they also have pasta and soup. I pigged out. No dessert though. Well…I had a cranberry muffin for dessert. I should have passed as I was stuffed.
Sunday the 7th after church they usually serve coffee and coffee cake; stuff like that. I took what I thought was pound cake (which really isn’t cake at all), but it turned out it had lemon curd in it. I took only a bite or two before I realized this, and promptly threw the rest away. Was it wasteful? Yes. But God can deal with that.

Tuesday, during my layover in Atlanta (all four hours of it), I sat down and had an actual meal. I had cream of broccoli soup and a grilled chicken sandwich with baked potato. It wasn’t the greatest thing I’ve ever eaten, but it wasn’t bad for airport food. My server was amazing though.

Since being here I think I’ve done okay. Without high-speed internet, I find myself bored a LOT, and I want to eat. I’ve cheated twice since being here, but I can say honestly that they weren’t intentional. I had some Silk chocolate milk and it wasn’t until the next day that I realized I shouldn’t have had it. Yesterday there were pancakes for breakfast and without thinking I had a bit of my chocolate chip pancake. After I realized what I had done, I gave it to my mom.

So yes, I cheated. Like I said though, they’re not intentional cheats. It wasn’t like I got the chocolate milk out of the fridge and said to myself, “Well, just this once. No one will know.” Not at all. It just didn’t dawn on me at all. Same with the pancakes. The only time I think I intentionally did cheat was when I was at my dad’s in Florida. I had a bad taste in my mouth and just wanted to clear it out, so I ate a single wheat thin. One.

So speaking of Lent, I went to Menasha last night to see a production of JCS. I’ve never seen it before, so that was cool. I know some of the music, but never saw the show. It was quite good for a church community production. My friend Crystal was the choreographer and had a small role, so it was good to see her. My old High School band teacher directed the show. He recognized me, but I don’t think he could put a name with my face. Oh well. Saw some high school acquaintances (they were in my brother’s grad class, not mine). I think my two favourites were Pilot and Judas. They sang the best I think, although I think the numbers for Judas were a touch out of the actor’s vocal range. You could tell he had some jitters at the beginning but smoothed himself out as the show went on. And Pilot was solid all the way through.


Monday:
Anyway, frosting cut-out cookies tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Dear Jesus, Do You Need a Drink of Water More Than Me?

So Tuesday night we did indeed go out to dinner with my relatives.
It was a very brief visit, but nice anyway.
We went to a nice steakhouse (like The Keg but better) where our server looked like Gary Oldman. I almost offered the bastard my meal.
I had a glass of white zinfandel and a glass of water to drink. First came salad and bread. House salad with their house dressing of garlic ranch, which probably came out of a Kraft bottle. Don't get me wrong, it was VERY good.
For dinner I had quite a large New York strip with garlic mashed potatoes. I don't know how many ounces my steak was, but I can tell you it was in the shape of Florida. It was VERY thick, which I wasn't expecting, but welcomed. Now, I ordered my meat Medium, which I've never done before. My reasoning was that just about everyone at the table ordered theirs Medium as well, and didn't want everyone to have to wait longer on account of me. Oddly enough, I think my meat was cooked Medium Rare because it was quite pink and mine was the only one that bled onto my plate. It was good though.
And I'm quite proud of myself for eating only about half of my entree and taking the rest home (which I finished for lunch this afternoon).


Yesterday was...well, interesting to say the least. Leslie had gone to the early Lenten service which meant we wouldn't go for supper and service that evening. So whilst at the mall, I picked up some sushi for myself and she got some Thai food (which looked amazing). I got avocado and California rolls. They were okay. They were much smaller than what I'm used to at Fuji's and seemed to be made with no real care. Oh well.
That night I decided to join Leslie in watching a Ghost Hunter Marathon leading up to a 2-hour live Ghost Hunter episode: Live from Alcatraz. Did I mention we were drinking wine while we did this? We were pretty hammered. Poor dad. Poor poor dad. So yeah. In honour of the third Wednesday in Lent, I got drunk...with my step-mom. I was so dried out this morning, I'll bet I needed a drink of water more than Jesus did in that desert. I actually felt fine accept for that (the dryness). Oh, and because I woke up with the surprise of getting my period three days early, I also was bloated. So I was bloated, crampy, back-achey and head-achey...but not hungover. And that's the honest truth.

After my leftover steak supper (which I added some raw mixed veggies to), I had a lovely green apple at around 3:00pm. At 7:00pm I ate supper of a nice meatloaf that Leslie made, mashed potatoes and cooked mixed veggies. I had two slices of that meatloaf, one serving of potatoes and one serving of veggies and I was stuffed. A bit later I had two pieces of melon for "dessert" I suppose.
Oh, and when I say serving I mean "my share." Because you know, you have X amount of potatoes and it's gotta feed three people. So I take my share AKA a third. Also, by serving I mean I didn't get seconds on it.

Now, let's see. I had a glass of orange juice and at least three glasses of water today and I'm still so dry! I wonder if it's water retention.

For Easter I don't want chocolate or candy. I want a case of Mt. Dew.


I guess that should be all for now.
Cheers.
J.

Walt Disney Never Ate Salad in His Life

Yesterday my dad took me to Disney World!
We were very lucky to have the weather we did. The warmest it's been in a week. Apparently this time of year, only Tuesdays are good days.

I woke up that morning with my stomach kind eh. Probably from the wine and bagel I had the night before. Yeah, classy. So I had some fruit for breakfast: musk melon, water melon and cantelope, red and green grapes, strawberries, and a banana.

Anyway, lots of exercise was had. We walked all over creation to find a restaurant that had food I could eat. It was hard. Eventually we found a place across from the riverboat dock that had chicken. I had chicken bits (Think chicken nuggets with a really thick and crunchy breading) with apple slices (instead of fries) and a bottle of water. Now. I have to be completely honest and fair. At this restaurant, they DID have a kind of vegetarian sandwich and two kinds of salad. My resoning behind getting the chicken is I figured I'd get more for my money as opposed to the salad, and Ialso really didn't think it was cheating. I STILL believe that getting the chicken wasn't cheating, but I do agree that it wasn't the healthiest choice I could have made.

Later that night, around 7:00pm I got a giant pretzel. No sauce, and I scraped all the coarse salt off.
Dad and I were going to stop at a Subway on the way home, but dammit, it took an hour and a half to get out of that park and with another hour and a half to drive home, we said screw it.
I scarfed down a banana when I got home, called Dave quick, and then crashed.

I must have had a hell of a night of sleep because when I woke up my pajama top was all messed up and my teeth hurt (means I was grinding or clenching my teeth). Can't remember a thing though. Oh well.

Today I've had a bowl of cereal and bagel with cream cheese. Hmmmm, I've been up for eight hours so that means I'm eating every four hours...that's acceptable right?

I don't know what dinner plans are tonight. My Aunt Janet and Uncle Tony are by for a visit and I'm ASSUMING we'll be taking them to dinner.

Oh THERE You Are Tummy

So I think I'm losing some more of my gut. When I look down, I only see a bit of my stomach poking out. For those who may not know, what I'm looking at is boobs, then a little stomach. The goal is to see only boobs and no stomach.

So I forgot to mention the other day that I took a short walk to the Barnes and Noble across the street and bought a vanilla steamer at the Starbucks there. I felt really proud and in control for asking for NO whipped cream. But as I was in the parking lot I started to feel that even with the absence of whipped cream, this vanilla steamer is probably a cheat. Think about it, what's in it? Well I know when I make my own at home I use milk, vanilla and sugar, and Starbucks is always sweeter than mine, so it must have sugar in it. So I've decided no more of those for me. *sad face*

Today I just did not want to get up. I was woken up by a very loud humming sound this morning I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Finally I went downstairs and it was the fan in the downstairs bathroom. It didn't dawn on me that my bedroom is almost directly above it. After that, I'm sorry to say that I slept until 11:30pm. I wish I had some Melatonin strips. I'd walk over to the CVS, but it;s cold out and I already have my pajama bottoms on.

Anyway, I had a bowl of cereal for break...ahem, lunch. Then there was a dinner at the church this evening. I'll be honest, it did not look good. It looked like...you know, church food. But it was actually quite good! It was especially do considering there wasn't much salt in the dishes (the parishioners are all pretty old). I had one breaded chicken breast, a slice of ham, 3 black olives, 2 gherkins, a small portion of green beans with almonds, a small serving of corn pudding and a slice of wheat bread. Just FYI, the corn "pudding" was more like corn hash. I can't describe it save to say it was delicious. Anyway, I only had a plateful and felt a little gypped on the portions, but I actually was getting full by the time I finished my plate. They had sugar-free apple pie for dessert (once again, mostly old people), but I had two slices of cranberry nut bread. When we got home I had a banana. See, it's 7:30pm, and this is the time we usually eat here. I'll probably have some fruit later.

I've been fighting off a headache for the last four hours. It's not a real painful one you know? It's more of a nuisance. I don't think it's sinus, although it is in that spot on my forehead directly above my bridge. I think it's the barometer. It rained this morning, was sunny all afternoon, and now it's overcast again. Not to mention my allergies. My eyes are really dry and itchy and my nose is so twitchy. I'd kill to be able to sneeze. I feel it coming but it never...does it.

Not much else happening. I'd like to weigh myself and see if I lost anything since weighing myself on Monday.


Cheers.
J.

One thing...

I just noticed something.
The new title of this blog appears at the top of my screen, but it's too long so it looks like this:
"This Is Where I Came In...and shot up..."


I must remind the readers that there are two words after the word UP.

I Didn't Even Think of That

It feels like I'm coming down with something, but I don't feel nearly crappy enough. Leslie said it may be allergies. I didn't even think of that. That would make more sense. Anyway.

Yesterday began with a bowl of cereal and milk followed by a lunch of another delicious green apple. For dinner Leslie made Grilled BBQ chicken breasts, mashed potatoes and steamed veggies and fresh fruit for dessert. Later in the evening for a snack I had a bagel and cream cheese.

This morning I had bowl of cereal for "breakfast." It was 11:30 when I had it. Then Leslie and I went for Jehy's first manicure and pedicure!! It was very odd, I'll be honest. I didn't find it relaxing at all. Maybe because I was worried I was doing something wrong. The lady who had me didn't seem very friendly, but apparently, for her, she was. I also got my eyebrows done for the first time in my life. My right side looks a little shorter than my left, but maybe because that's my blonde side. Literally.

Came home and had a bagel with cream cheese at about 3:30pm.
Supposedly we're supposed to go out for Chinese tonight...or maybe Leslie is actually going to make. She didn't really specify. Doesn't matter. Going out is ideal to me because it makes the evening go quicker. And I know my dad is exceedingly fond of The Buffet.
Speaking of, he must have just got home. I can hear Fox News on. Gag. I don't know how anyone can stand more than an hour of news at a time, let alone Fox News. But he watches, literally, like five hours in a row of it. That's gotta be taxing. Get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch nut-jobs yell and shit themselves for a few hours, go to bed, and do it all again the next day.


Anyway. I had an hour and a half nap and now I'm a little groggy.
I really didn't think I went to bed that late, but apparently I am wrong. I know I was up watching YouTube clips of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson for a while, but not THAT late. He's hysterical. Hated him on Drew Carey. Wasn't funny at all. Stick a live camera in his face in a shotty studio and watch the magic.


So...now I'm just biding time until dinner.
Told ya this wasn't a vacation.


Cheers.
J.

So Jesus, it's been a week. How do you feel?

Today was a good day. Not that I would call it an interesting day. I had a bowl of Fruity Pebbles with some kinda of lactose-free milk. That box of Fruity Pebbles must have been up there a while. Anyway, they're gone now.

Leslie and I went to the grocery store to get some foods. She was concerned that there wouldn't be anything in the house for me to eat. There's lots in there I can eat for meals. There really is. The downside is, there's also a lot of food for snacking, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. I even caught myself going through the pantry this evening after getting home from church (yes I went). I checked myself though. I said "Jess, stop for a second. Are you even hungry?" And I wasn't, so I walked away.

Anyway, so this afternoon, around 2:00pm I had a banana and a green apple for lunch. Ooo that apple was SO good!

Then we went to church and had chili! It was very good. I only had one bowl and two slices of bread. I was quite proud of myself for not going for another bowl. Although, now I am really hungry. Maybe I'll go downstairs and have a bowl of golden grams. I know it's late but...I'll be up all night otherwise, and as wheat thins are a cheat...

Blarg.

One of the best things about this area is that they have a TON of restaurants. They have a really great salad bar/buffet chain called Sweet Tomatoes. I hope we get to go there some time this week.


Anyway, I really am quite hungry so I am off to find something to eat.


Cheers.
J.

One week down, five more to go.

Today I flew from Fort McMurray to Tampa. I won't relate the entire story, suffice to say I almost missed my connecting flight in Calgary because of incompetence and paranoia.

I'm proud of myself for passing on the in-flight complementary slop *ahem*, excuse me, snack. Granted I was hungry, but they were chips and they were remarkably like Fritos in both sight and scent. Not to mention the bastard next to me brought his own breakfast of a chocolate muffin. I think I should be praised for suppressing the urge to kill him.

Wanted to grab a quick snack in Calgary, but because of the shitstorm in Calgary, there was literally no time. Oh sure, I could have bought garbage on the plane for six bucks, but a) they don't accept cash anymore (WTF?) and b) they were just that: garbage. Everything I can't eat was on the list.

When I landed in Denver, my stomach became the sarlac pit. Oddly enough, I didn't have a headache which usually happens when I'm really hungry. I went to Quiznos and got a chicken chopped salad with bacon, red onions and this really interesting Chipotle Rasberry dressing. It was quite good.
Oh yeah, go that headache after I ate. Should have just let the sarlac in my stomach keep eating itself.

By the time I landed in Tampa, it was Migraine City. I felt bad for my dad and Leslie; "Hi, good to see you, thanks for letting my stay, well gotta go crash for a few hours."
And...they ordered pizza. Crap. I had pizza on Sunday. Bummer. So when I woke up I had toast and jam, a piece of cheese, a cup of tea, and a handful of wheat thins. I took the wheat thins to get the taste of cheese and tea out of my mouth (It tastes like sick), and after a consult with Dave discovered that this may be a cheat. I just know no to stay away from crackers as well as chips. That's gonna be hard. Everywhere you look in this house there's chips, crackers, soda and chocolate.

So...week one is just about over and I'd like to kill someone for a pop. Do you think Jesus, while in the desert thought "I'd kill a deciple for a drink of water right about now."? In the Bible they kinda shrug it off. I mean granted it's a euphemism; no one can survive the desert that long without water. I'd like to know what went through the man's head. Do you think he wanted to suck his head up a vacuum for a candy bar?

Leslie and I are going to go to the movies at some point this week. Another test: THE MOVIE THEATRE! Mom and I discussed the parameters of popcorn. Air-popped popcorn = okay. Theatre popcorn = CHEATER. Guess I'll have to sneak something in. Like what? "Sorry Miss, but you can't bring all these Nutrigrain bars in."


Anyway, I think I'm slimming a bit. I still have a gut, but now it's starting to look more like beer and less like baby. Which is a good thing. I'd rather people think I was just glutenous and not pregnant.
Do I feel better? I mean without all this sugar in my diet? Let's think...two migraines in one week?
No. I do not feel better.
This must be what hardcore smokers go through.

Cheers.
J.

It's not a vaction, Bob.

In about sixteen hours I leave for Tampa Bay.
For the first time, I'm not entirely looking forward to it. Maybe once I get there things will be better, but still.

In preparation for my departure, I've begun my ritual pre-flight house cleaning. Although I trust Dave to keep the house in a moderately clean (moderately meaning not being deemed a toxic waste site), two days after I arrive, Dave's brother Kyle is coming to stay. Not to mention our current roommate hasn't moved out of his room despite not actually living here in a month.
Needless to say I'm doing what I can with what I have. So many things to consider. I can't actually clean the roommate's room as that would be an invasion. Still I took the sheets we lent him off his bead and washed them. So Dave will have to clean that room on his own. The spare room got vacuumed and steam vac-ed even though there is a sofa in said room up on its side. Can't vacuum of steam-vac our bedroom until I've packed. And the living room has a futon in it that is supposed to go in the afore mentioned spare room. Needless to say, when Dave comes home, I'm going to need his help so I don't feel so overwhelmed.

In other news, I weighed myself today. Around 157 pounds, which was lighter than I anticipated. I should mention I was wearing very light pajamas and had eaten a rather heavy bowl of oatmeal this morning.
I just finished up my lunch of a Lunchable, minus the "Fun sized" KitKat bar. Actually, it wasn't a Lnchable. It was a Snackable, because apparently our culture is so fat and hungry that one of these things can't even constitute as a lunch anymore.

Well, now that I've finished I have to get back to work.
This update was brought to you by the dire need to sit and rest a bit.


Cheers.
J.

I'm Having a Bad Week

I'm having a bad week. In fact I'd go so far as to say I'm having the worst week of Lent since Jesus Christ.

Wednesday night I made hamburger helper which didn't sit right with Dave or myself. I could have sworn when I opened the sauce packet that I smelled ammonia or some other kind of disinfectant. Anyway, that night was a toss n' turner and woke up multiple times in pain.
The next day I did my usual Thursday volunteer work at Kaos. Since my stomach was still kind of tight, I decided to have strawberry jam on my bagel instead of cream cheese. As a general rule, dairy isn't a good idea when one's tummy is using chemical warefare on your body.
Dave picked me up a small salad for lunch, but despite this and the copious amount of water I consumed, I still went home with a headache. Of course this followed its normal trajectory to a migraine. It's hard to politely explain to your partner that you don't want to kiss/make-out/be physical with them because you're afraid you're going to throw up and that no, it has nothing to do with them.
Dave made a taco bake for suppers which was very tasty, but even after a three hour nap, I still wasn't feeling that great. Dave, god love him, made supper and did all the cleaning up, including the ice cream cake that inadvertently got left out overnight.
After a quick supper, I took some Pepto, fired off a few emails, then went back to sleep. At least tried to. I think I went to bed in more head-pain than I originally did. So I took some more drugs, slapped on the Head-On, and it was all Zzz from then.

Friday morning I made another trip to Kaos. I had a leftover Smitty's pancake from Tuesday (which was AMAZING cold, BTW) and a glass of Orange Juice. I made sure to take more food with me, so i threw in a banana and a bag of bagels.
Wasn't necessary as Dave bought me Subway for lunch. I had my banana for dessert.

It really sucks not having anything to snack from. Like, last night I was a little hungry, so I had a bagel with cream cheese and two slices of peanut butter toast. And the no soda is killing me. Dave says I can have diet because there's no sugar in it. Still...if I'm going to go no-junk food, I'm going to go all the way. I mean, all the way minus pizza. Mmmm...pizza.

This is where I came in...and shot up the place

Hey remember me?!
No? Not a problem.
You may remember me from my last album entitled "I'm going to lose weight by not eating carbs because I don't want to look pregnant anymore."

Since that album failed to even go gold, things went downhill from there.
I didn't see the results I wanted and felt very discouraged. After said failure, I promised that I would continue with a sensible diet and blog about it, which was a blatant lie. Instead I did what made me happy: Eat. And now I'm about 170 pounds of happy.
Am I unhappy that I'm fat? Nah, I can live with that.
Am I unhappy that I'm unhealthy? No. I'm still alive, technically.
Am I unhappy that all my fat has gone to my gut and refuses to move to other places to at least give the appearance of a balanced fat person? Oh yeah.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. In the past, I haven't given two craps about it. But in the last month or two I thought about how Lent would be the perfect time to set me on a better eating path. It would be a motivator because it has it's own time period. It'll be grand.
Then again, I thought that if we had a just and loving God he wouldn't allow Lent to start three days after Valentines Day. But alas, God is a bearded celestial jerk. My time had come, and it came too soon.

So, yesterday, upon realizing it was Fat Tuesday, had only twelve hours to devour all the chocolate, diet Pepsi lime, and ice cream cake I could.

My bet to myself is to cut out junk food for the next 40 day. This will include chips, ALL chocolate, ALL soda (including diet, caffeine-free, sugar free, or the combination of any of the three), and any and all candy/sweets.
I have decided that junk food is limited to pizza. I will allow myself pizza, but only once a week, and no more than three slices. And if I should find myself at a fast food restaurant, then it's salad all the way.

This isn't a diet really. Just an excuse to purge myself of a sugar-induced diabetic coma that may be looming on the horizon.


So...good luck to me.


So far I've had a bowl of Cheerios with milk and half a banana. I've also had about two cups of water. Meanwhile I can hear the distinct cry of a can of diet Pepsi lime trying to guilt trip me from the fridge.



Cheers.
J.




Shut up punk!!!