Jesus Must Have Been One Bored Bastard

Once again I haven’t been keeping up with my journaling. It’s a hassle when you’re on dial-up and don’t want to tie up the phone lines. Although who really needs or wants to call, I couldn’t say. And now I’m on a semi-normal sleeping pattern (11:30pm-8:30am), and I don’t want to mess that up, so I don’t want to stay up until 1:00am futzing with the internet.

Let’s see…last weekend, mom and I went down to Illinois to see my brother. On the way down we stopped at Wendy’s. Oh I know! Mom didn’t know what to get since she doesn’t eat there often (there isn’t one in Fond du Lac), so I told her to get what I usually get: Spicy Chicken combo with fries. I kinda ate vicariously through her. For myself it was a Mandarin chicken salad. I THOUGHT about getting a chicken grilled sandwich and getting a baked potato instead of fries, but then I thought about it. You know…if it had been at a sit-down restaurant, I might have gotten away with it. But this is FAST FOOD. It’s junk. It’s garbage. Don’t do it. So I didn’t. I had my salad. It was okay.

That night we went out for Mexican food. Yay! There are NO Mexican restaurants in Fort McMurray. I mean it. Zip. None. Nada. Cero. To make it clear, Taco Time does NOT count. Taco Time isn’t even food. I know this because on a packed day in the food court, Taco Time still has no line. Anyway, to get back to the trip, we ate at a place near my brother’s apartment called la Fiesta. It’s owned by the same people who own Del Toro, another Mexican restaurant we frequent while we’re down there. I had a strawberry margarita and chicken fajitas. That margarita was REALLY strong. On an empty stomach it was a lot of fun. ;)
Anyway, it was a good meal and a good visit with my brother.

The next day, mom and I went to CIRQUE DU SOLEIL!!!!! YES! I know! I couldn’t believe it! And we saw Alegría, which is one of my favourites. It really was one of the only bright spots of the day. Before we went to the show, mom and I went to pick up a pay-as-you go cell phone at a store, but we had MAJOR issues. The phone wouldn’t scan. Literally, NO one could get it to work. It was very strange. The minutes card scanned fine and we paid for that while someone else tried to get the phone to work. Well, after about an hour and a half, we said screw it and got the minutes card refunded. It kinda put us in a foul mood. Mom was pissed because we were on a time schedule (because of Cirque), and I was getting frustrated that she was getting frustrated. After that, everything seemed to make her mad: traffic, parking, everything. Great.
Then after the show, Dave and I got a into a huge fight over the phone (which unfortunately my mother had to witness). So, yeah. Thank you Cirque for bringing some light into my day and my life.

That night we went to eat at a neat little restaurant whose name I just don’t know. It kinda had an old pub feel, only there was no pub. Small, but very neat. Kinda turn on the century décor. Maybe more 1920’s: Old cash register a small old propeller plane, pictures of men with large mustaches. But I digress. I had a bacon cheeseburger.
Okay. I know what you’re going to say and here’s my justification:
Remember my earlier story of the chicken sandwich? How having one at a fast food place was unacceptable, but having one in a sit-down restaurant would be? Same logic here. I know that the chef at this place at least drained the fat off the burger before he put it on the bun. I know that HE knows what’s in that burger, and that he’s okay with letting me eat it. I know he put some time and thought into preparing my meal. I know he makes more than minimum wage.
So anyway, I had a lovely bacon cheeseburger with…ick. Potato salad. My choices were fries, potato salad or coleslaw. Well, I only like the former, so what was I to do? I picked the lesser of two evils. To my credit, I ate about half the potato salad. It really had no taste, but I think that because it’s cold is what turns me off of it in general. I also had a glass of white zinfandel. I had the server put it on a separate bill so I could pay for it myself. Mom paid for my margarita the night before despite my protests, so I wasn’t about to let her do it again.

The next morning, before we left for home, my brother made us breakfast. Eggs, bacon and English muffins so we could make our own breakfast sandwiches.  He also made some peppermint tea which was fabulous.

I drove the first half of the trek home, but my back was really sore and I was really tired. I took the back pains as a cue to drink more water, which I did (and I was the first one to use the bathroom when we got home). We stopped at Culver’s on the way home, where mom had a mint fudge cone (it looked SO good), and I had a grilled chicken basket with mashed potatoes and gravy. Culvers may make their food fresh, but it’s still technically fast food. So was this cheating?
Probably. Only at that point, I had stopped caring. More on that later.
That night we had tacos (I’ve been known to put away half a dozen at least) that I put away quickly because I had over-the-phone DnD.

Monday night, mom and I went to Pizza Ranch. What IS pizza ranch? Well, it’s kinda like a small pizza buffet. They have six or seven kinds of pizza at the bar, or you can order one special. They also have soup, salad, chicken and potatoes. Now…Friday night, before mom and I left on our trip, we had a frozen pizza (True to my word, I only had three slices). I was a bit torn. Initially, I assume mom and I would go to Pizza Ranch the following weekend, but we went on Monday instead. If I had pizza I would be cheating. But then I thought, well. If I have three slices at Pizza Ranch on Monday, that just means I won’t be able to have pizza for like, two weeks. Hey! Great! Problem solved.
Do you see what’s beginning to happen here? The excuses? Yeah.

At Pizza Ranch, I knew I had to make those three slices count so I didn’t want just ANY pizza. So while on the lookout for something I liked, I had a salad, cream of broccoli soup, chicken made of grease and mashed potatoes and gravy. Seriously, that chicken thigh or whatever it was wasn’t made of chicken, and I would pay for it later. I also was able to eat a garlic finger. Anyway, by the time they brought out a pizza I liked, I was stuffed! I think I was able to eat the tip off a slice of something, but that was it. And then…the stomach pains. I hadn’t had those pains in a year. Since my appendix, I’ve only had a few stomach aches. This was number four. It felt like hell. You know those kinds that come in waves? And you feel sweaty but then you get chills? That’s what this was. Unfortunately, mom and I had planned to go to Walmart to look at a few things, and I didn’t want to bail. So we went to Walmart where I was sometimes bent over in agony. BUT! Mom finally got her cell phone, so that was positive.
When I got home…well, you can imagine, even if you don’t want to. The next day was another interesting day in the bathroom department, but anyway.

I think for the rest of the week I’ve been eating cereal for dinner, so nothing new there. My breakfasts usually consist of either Raisin Bran, a bagel or two strawberry Pop Tarts. Lunch is generally left-overs or two sandwiches.

Wednesday night, mom and I drove to Appleton to see Alice in Wonderland in 3D. Mom had popcorn. I had a bottle of water. I feel bad for mom. She’s really concerned about eating certain things in front of me. It really doesn’t bother me. It really does not. I’m okay. Sure I WANT popcorn, but I also want tickets to see the Late Late Show live. I’ll survive without it. I think she’s also worried about me having fun, you know? Not being able to have a snack at Cirque du Soleil or the movies. Or going out to Pizza Ranch. You know? These are the things we like to do.

Thursday I went to Oshkosh to have lunch with some friends. I had a Cajun chicken salad with a breadstick. It was very large and very good. I felt like a pig though. I really scarfed that shit down. Oh well, I was hungry.
On the way home I hit a bird. It was like the size of a chicken. Just came waddling out in front of the car. I slammed on the breaks, but it wasn’t going to be enough. K-Boomp-Boomp. I look out the rearview and there’s a Floof of feathers. If it wasn’t heart breaking, it might have been comical. I felt so bad. I couldn’t believe *I* of all people ran something over. I actually hit something. I felt that I did, I heard it and I saw it.

Last night was Friday night (mom and I got our nails done…thanks Mom!) and I realized that I hadn’t had a bowl movement since Tuesday. So I took a Women’s Laxitive. That’s what it was called. I took two pills. Cut to 7:30 this morning and I’m dying. I feel like I have the flu, only there’s no relief after I use the facilities. I go about three times in the span of a half hour. For most men, they don’t understand why this is odd.
Now I know I’m on empty, so that’s a comfort. I think next time if I need those things, I’m only going to take one pill.

Before I end this long-winded tale, we have to get to the matter at hand. How am I doing? Well, you may have noticed that I’ve started making some excuses and kinda stopped caring. And that’s true. The truth of it is, I’m bored with this. It’s not that temptation is taking over and I just can’t keep myself away from the foods I want. Not a thing of it. I’m just getting bored with it. I’m getting tired of caring. Do you think Jesus got bored? Wandering the desert with no food, water, or internet? Even if he wasn’t desiring some fish or wine, he must have at least gotten a little sick and tired of tasting sand and sweat. “Father!” he must have cried, “Can you at least make this sand taste like cardboard? Make it taste like ass; I don’t care! Just so it doesn’t taste like SAND!”
Palm Sunday is tomorrow, which means I have a week to go. I can do it no problem. It’s about time. I’m losing interest in doing the right thing.

Well, it’s now almost 2:30 and I haven’t eaten in about four hours, so I’m going to find something to ingest.

Easter is almost upon us. ¡ALEGRÍA!