What the...

...what the fuck are we doing out here in the middle of the desert?
Someone call the police we need help!

Well, it's been the first week in the Lenten Desert, and I've already sucked Satan's dick.
It wasn't entirely my fault. My lapse in judgment somehow found me completely forgetting that Shirley Temples have Sprite in them. Darn. Well, the religious Christian in me said "Don't finish the drink," but the cheap Christian in me said "Dude, you paid, like six dollars for that. You better drink that shit. And smile, you're in public for God's sake."

As with last year, I intend to update only once a week. Somehow it makes everything seem THAT much more important, so really...it's all bullshit.

Nothing entirely important happened in the first few days following Ash Wednesday. I kinda wanted to murder everyone since I was jonesing for a soda, so like I said, nothing important. Just premeditated murder.
I had to get after Dave a couple of times; he sometimes makes assumptions about what I can and can't eat. Finally I had to tell him that I needed to make that decision, not him. But I know he just wants to help me as much as he can on this.

Saturday morning we left for Edmonton, but not before we spent an eternity in Tim Hortons. I've never been there when the indoor line was wrapped around the Wendy's section. My bagel and cream cheese was mediocre at best, but their smoothies aren't bad. Mine was more of a slushy having opted out of the yogurt, but next time I'll know what to do. The trip was a typical 4.5 hour journey. Potholes, trucks, and absolute idiots risking their lives. Seriously, people will pass on blind curves, up hills, oncoming traffic, pass on the inside, on the shoulder... at one point Dave said "I wonder how much it costs to be Invincible." I replied "Only your life."

I don't travel well. I really don't. You'd think after years of traveling with my dad (13 hours in the car at a crack..who wouldn't love that?), I would be used to it, but combining the weather, the lack of sugar and caffeine, the menstruation and the stress, I was ready to get out of the car at about Wandering River.

We got into Edmonton about 4:00pm, checked into the Sutton Place (best place to stay in my opinion) and discovered that we were starving. So we headed on over to Japanese Village, a Teppanyaki Grill that we ate at in Calgary. Dave's got a real hard on for the steak sauce there, so it was a fair trade: My Hunchback show, your steak sauce. Plus, I like it too, so in a Michael Scott World, it was a win-win-win scenario. I had teriyaki chicken with vegetables and rice. This is also where I had my Shirley Temple from Hell. We had some interesting characters sitting next to us. One group had a "movie buff" with him who enjoyed the works of such fine actors as Keanu Reeves and thought Christian Bale went bulk to anorexic for the switch of roles from Batman to The Machinist. It's actually the other way around, but he didn't believe me. The other group was a bunch of hippies, and predictably one was allergic to gluten. He brought his own Soy Sauce. After dinner, I passed out due to a nasty headache.

Day 2 was mostly shopping. Dave needed dress shows for the evening, and I wanted to pick up a few things to spruce myself up as well. I bought some shoes from Aldo (which I initially almost bought in Fort Mac for the Christmas Party, but decided against because they are nearly impossible to walk in), and some pretty things for my hair. We also made a quick trip to Warp 1. They had some great t-shirts there. I didn't pick any up because the cool shirts were touching the GLee shirts. We had Dominoes for dinner. Personally, I would have prefered Little Caesars, but I don't think I would ever turn my nose up at pizza.
No I would.
Papa Johns. Shittiest pizza on the planet.
Anyway, had LESS than three sliceds of pizza. I had like, 2.75. And breadsticks. That goes without saying.
Hunchback was amazing and I looked amazing. Really, what else needs to be said?
I plan on writing a review a bit later. Or maybe not. I mean what difference does it make?

Came home and passed out.

Sunday morning we left around 11:00am and met friends in Grassland for lunch. It was then that we heard 63 was closed because a truck carrying a house was in an accident. Dave went on the AMA website saying it was down to one lane, so he decided that we should continue on 63 and it would be open to two lanes by the time we would get there. I pointed out that the AMA website is habitually wrong.
Cut to 4:00pm and we're 12 KM south of Wandering River. We're at a dead stop. We move maybe 2 KM in the next 45 minutes. We decide to turn around and take 881 after a friend of ours (who was heading back to Fort Mac and happened to be a few cars ahead of us) saw us and called to tell Dave to turn around. We stop for Subway in Lac La Biche. By now the sun is going down and the roads are like ice. Between LLB and Conkiln, a truck was in the ditch. Fresh, too. Dave pulled over to see if they needed help. Turns out they live by us in Fort Mac, in the same area. They know Brent and they know the people we had lunch with in Grassland. So we give them a lift. It's a fucking caravan going on 881, cars stretched for as fart as you can see, and we're all going 60KM in a 100KM zone. I'm clutching my phone. CLUTCHING it. You couldn't pry it from me. I'm white knuckled and I'm not even driving. Still, I know that we're going to be okay because there's no way that we met these people by chance. There were too many coincidences for something to get worse.
We got home just before midnight. What should have been home by 5 or 6pm.
Dave did AMAZINGLY. Superb driving.

So I guess this blog wasn't a whole lot about food, and I would apologise but I don't own stock in your opinions.

Today I weighed myself, but I forgot to do it before I got in the shower. 150.5lbs. If we take off half a pound for wet hair, that's still 150. So...no change in a week.
Why am I doing this to myself again? I forgot.